How to Talk to Your Parents About Finances: A Guide for Families

You’ve probably had conversations with your parents about money.

The thing is, they were mostly likely about your money ... how to save and invest your early paychecks ... the right amount to spend on your first house ... options for covering child care expenses when you’re just scraping by as a young family.

Talking to your parents about their money flips the script, and that’s why it can be so hard. It upends the parent-child dynamic and reminds everyone of uncomfortable truths: that your parents won’t live forever and may start to need help (financially and otherwise) long before that.

The emotional nature of these conversations isn’t about the money itself; it’s about what’s driving the need to have them at all. If you’re lucky, your parents will recognize that need, come to the table openly and drive the conversation themselves. But many times, you as the child will need to be the one to do it. Here are some tips that we hope will be helpful.

WHY TALKING ABOUT MONEY WITH AGING PARENTS MATTERS

For many parents (and most everyone else), their money represents their independence and years of hard work. They’re naturally proud of making the decisions that got them where they are, and their financial status might feel like – or at least reflect – a part of their identity.

So, when adult children bring up the topic, it can:

• Feel threatening, like you’re planning to take something very important away
• Be a reminder of their mortality and potential loss of capacity, two of the hardest things to face for any human
• Feel like a violation of their privacy or family roles and order

But avoiding the conversation or repeatedly deferring it isn’t the answer. That can lead to:

• Missed planning opportunities
• Unexpected health care or housing costs
• Financial mismanagement
• Family tension or sibling disagreements

Instead, open the conversation with empathy and understanding of how your parents might be feeling. The earlier you start – long before any immediate action is needed – the easier it will be.

WHEN TO START THE CONVERSATION

Ideally, you’ll start having conversations before they’re absolutely necessary. Your parents’ retirement, for example, could be an excellent opportunity to talk about the future, while everyone is hopefully still healthy, feeling positive and thinking about what the future will hold. If you miss that window, other milestones like filing for Social Security, downsizing their home or starting RMDs can also give you a natural opening to talk about the bigger picture for their money and help reduce the discomfort or awkwardness.

There are also a few developments that take financial planning for elderly parents from important to critical and, unfortunately, somewhat of an emergency. They include:

• Serious health issues
• Declines in cognitive ability
• Financial strain

We won’t sugarcoat it: Having emotionally fraught conversations under immediate time pressure while also dealing with an external, potentially devastating development is not ideal. You should do everything you can to avoid it. But if that’s the situation you find yourself in, you need to act.

HOW TO APPROACH THE CONVERSATION RESPECTFULLY

CHOOSE THE RIGHT TIME AND SETTING

You’ll want to have privacy and a lack of distractions or other pressures when you talk to your parents. If you don’t see your parents often or if you have siblings that all want to be part of the conversation, you may need to do it around the holidays or another family gathering, but don’t bring it up during Thanksgiving dinner, for example. Look for another quiet moment when everyone is relaxed – maybe over coffee or on a walk.

LEAD WITH CARE, NOT CONTROL

Remember that unless your parents already have a power of attorney in place, you’re unlikely to get anywhere by challenging their autonomy. Make sure to:

• Respect your parents’ independence and privacy
• Ask questions before offering advice – aim for understanding, not a predetermined outcome
• Emphasize that you want them to have financial security and peace of mind and to see their final wishes honored
• Use language that reflects you see this as an opportunity, not a problem to be solved

BRING IN A NEUTRAL PROFESSIONAL

When you’re ready to really get into the details and decisions – especially if you’re worried that the conversation could be contentious or bring up strong feelings – it can be helpful to have a third party join the conversation. A financial advisor can help keep everyone focused, share real-life examples of why having these discussions is so important and offer solutions or ideas when a need is identified.

AGING PARENTS AND FINANCIAL PLANNING: KEY TOPICS TO DISCUSS

Depending on your family’s specific situation and what you already know, here are some of the things you might want to bring up:

• Current financial situation: Do they have enough retirement income? How are they managing a rising cost of living and health care?
• Long-term care planning: Are there policies or savings for assisted living or in-home care? What do they want to happen when they need care? Do they have any expectations of family care?
• Estate planning: Do they have updated wills and beneficiary designations? Does everyone know who is in charge of what?
• Potential incapacity: Do they have durable powers of attorney, health care proxies and HIPAA releases, and a living will? Do their agents understand their wishes?
• Digital access and documentation: Where are important financial records stored? What types of digital assets do they have and how can someone obtain access when it's time?

HOW TO HELP AGING PARENTS WITH FINANCES: OVERCOMING COMMON CHALLENGES

Getting past any initial hesitation to discuss money doesn’t mean the hard work is done. In your subsequent conversations, you may come across any number of emotional landmines, like:

• Your parents’ embarrassment about their financial situation
• Lack of documentation or understanding of your parents’ complete finances
• Disagreements between siblings, especially if there are longstanding resentments about specific “roles” in the family
• Emotional attachment to outdated financial decisions or assets (e.g., the family home)

Sometimes there’s just no way around it – it's going to be tough and uncomfortable. But you can help make it easier on yourself by keeping a clear head, taking breaks when needed and remembering that you’re doing the right thing by bringing it up. You can also help make it less fraught for others by:

• Anticipating where there may be issues
• Keeping focus on the places you’re aligned (you all want your parents to be secure and enjoy this phase of life)
• Suggesting you rely on the guidance of experts to make big or painful decisions
• Using collaborative language, not critical
• Empathizing with everyone’s feelings and acknowledging their point of view

HOW FINANCIAL ADVISORS CAN HELP WITH FAMILY FINANCIAL CONVERSATIONS

A financial advisor can be especially helpful with the tactical parts of your conversations – things like developing a plan for health care costs, retirement budgeting and an estate planning roadmap. If there are concerns about whether your parents’ money will last, they can help find ways to potentially lower taxes, increase income or be more strategic with spending.

But financial advisors can also serve in ways you might not expect. Their presence can help family members stay more focused and rational instead of getting carried away by the very real emotions this process brings up.

Finally, a financial advisor can serve as a long-term resource with direct, intimate knowledge of your parents’ finances, which can become critically important as they age and potentially start to lose cognitive function. A financial advisor may even be the first person to notice that your parent is missing or forgetting important information or may be at risk of being a fraud victim. With the right permission on file, they can alert you about their concerns.

FAMILY CONVERSATIONS THAT PROTECT EVERYONE’S FUTURE

Discussing money with parents isn’t easy, and that’s okay. It’s natural to feel uncomfortable when roles shift and emotions run high. But every step you take toward open dialogue helps protect your parents’ independence and your family’s peace of mind.

Remember, helping your parents manage their retirement finances isn’t something you have to navigate alone. A trusted financial advisor can provide clarity, keep discussions constructive and help turn sensitive topics into actionable plans.